“You cannot have a victory without a battle.”

- Kawan Glover, Author, Screenwriter, and Victory Coach

My fellow creatives, it’s time to celebrate! Complete a screenplay draft? Great! Win a contest? Fantastic! Secure financing for your film? Phenomenal! But what else is worth celebrating? Must we wait for the accolades to feel good about our work? Recognizing our efforts, whether personal or professional, creative or pragmatic, is an essential step on the journey to be our best selves.

Perhaps you noticed I didn’t say “to be successful”. With varying definitions of success, it's best to choose our words wisely. Especially since… shhhh… [whispering] each of us must define success for ourselves. GASP! Complete a screenplay draft? But it’s not ready to enter in a contest. Win a contest? But it’s not ready to sell. Secure financing for your film? But the script has to have major changes in order to fit the budget. Man, who invited this person to the party? How does anyone ever feel good about anything they do with an inner critic like this?!

WHOA! Deep breaths. There you go, in… and out. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wind you up. Be honest, though - have you heard that voice before? You know the one. It hangs on the skirts of your enthusiasm, waiting for a call for celebration, just so it can give a loud and undeniable reason to quell the excitement. It could be seen as fear from one angle, or maybe judgment disguising itself as self-protection. At its core, however, this voice is planted by an outside perspective and is given the liberty to stamp out your confidence without mercy. Fortunately, identifying our values by regularly celebrating our victories is a great way to keep that pesky, judgy inner-voice in check!

After more than a year of hosting “The Victory Round”, a weekly event to celebrate our victories from the previous week and reflect on the process, allow me to share some insights. On today’s blog, you’ll find links to discussions in the Stage 32 community, webinars on the topic of healthy mindsets, and even a few practices you can take with you to help you on your creative journey!

VICTORY vs. ACHIEVEMENT:

When I first started “The Victory Round”, it was just me and my cousin. We were commiserating over the Hewlett Packard internal report (quoted in Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, The Confidence Code, and many articles) about how women only apply to jobs if they meet 100% of the qualifications, whereas men will apply to the same jobs so long as they meet 60% of the criteria. Actually, a recent LinkedIn Gender Insights Report shows that women apply for 20% fewer jobs than men despite similar job search behaviors. So, we’re looking at the same jobs, seeing the breakdown of tasks and responsibilities, yet somehow we are stopping ourselves before we even apply. Why?!

My cousin and I knew we would never grow if we were defeating ourselves before someone else could. Part of that came from investigating how we were defining qualifications. Did we need a job title? Successful completion of a project or a series of tasks? Was training required? To be able to deduce our qualifications, we decided to count our efforts and what they added up to. That is to say, we celebrated our victories every week to see how we built upon them. After all, how is anyone else going to recognize our accomplishments if we don’t first?

It’s worth noting that “achievement” means “a noteworthy act”. Who decides if it’s “noteworthy”? How will they note it if you don’t? What quickly became apparent was our inclination to side-step claiming credit for doing good work if we did not first set it as a goal. Think about your “to do list” for the week. Do you have everything written out? Your food schedule, your sleep schedule, making your bed, watering your plants, calling your best friend when they’ve had a bad day, taking a walk when you get stuck on a problem, doing two more push-ups on today’s arm day? Maybe you’ve written some things down in order to focus your energy on completing those tasks, yes, but you are also putting energy into tasks without a plan and it is still GOOD WORK.

If goals are morning affirmations for what you’d like to achieve, then victories are evening accounts of the action you took for which you are proud. Achievements, then, are the accumulation of victories over time. Stage 32 has an entire lounge (Stage 32 Success Stories Lounge) dedicated to celebrating achievements, but why not start a Victory Round post to explore the efforts you’re already making? You can even comment on it every week to start a thread that will read like your own creative journey!

While the immediate results of celebrating your victories is allowing you to make a memory out of a moment of strength, the residual effect is keeping “the good” you do in the forefront of your mind.

HOW WE PERCEIVE OUR EFFORTS CAN EITHER BE SELF-SABOTAGING OR SELF-AFFIRMING.

Values vs. Goals

How does one know that an accomplishment is important to them? A victory is not validated by an outside source, but qualified by one’s own values.

In a recent Stage 32 Writer’s Room Webcast, special guest Jasmin Bristow, Mindfulness and Emotional Wellness Coach said, “When we talk about VALUES, we talk in terms of ‘towards moves’ or actions that move us closer to what is important to us, and ‘away moves’ or actions that move us further from what is important to us”. Be sure to watch the recording in the Writer’s Room Vault here, and join in the conversation here. Now, how does moving away from your values make you feel?

Victories will always feel good because they move towards our values.

In contrast, putting our energy towards goals in an effort to make us happy inadvertently reminds us that we are, in fact, NOT happy as we make those goals. As discussed in Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, the pursuit of happiness inherently requires us to acknowledge all the ways we are unhappy in order to pursue it. If, however, we acknowledge where we are right now - the struggles, the intentions, and the efforts - then we can find happiness while trudging through the muck. In this way, our struggles bring us joy and our efforts bring us victory.

When we create goals without unpacking what our values and battles are (the moves away from our values), then we set ourselves up for more disappointment. Take a moment to feel the weight of that idea - setting goals based on things you do poorly can feel like a punishment. What if you counted each “move towards” what is important first? What if your goals took into consideration what you’re already doing well and building on them? Do you feel it strengthens your ability to improve?

This is the power of building on our victories.

On a recent Victory Round on IGLive, my incredibly inspiring co-host Kawan Glover likened victories to rungs on a ladder. Goals hover above us so we can work towards them, but we don’t need goals to take the next step on the ladder. We do require values to connect what we do (victories) with what we want to achieve (goals). In this way, victories can seem messy and indirect, but they are incremental efforts towards what you value. In terms of storytelling, values can be considered a character’s “needs” while goals can be considered a character’s “wants”. Thanks for that mic-drop, Kawan!

Kawan and I also guest-hosted a Stage 32 Writer’s Room Webcast - be sure to watch the recording here and join in the conversation here.

Reflect to Select Your Victory:

Do values determine victories? Or can your victories illuminate your values? From my experience, both. When reflecting on a day or a week, consider acknowledging the struggles, but end with what you did well. Even if this feels like a conciliatory “it could have been worse”, this recognition that your choice led to a successful conclusion will give you something to improve from. Not correct, but improve.

Now that we’ve identified what a victory is, it’s important to articulate it. Not just distinguish it, but also say it out loud. In this way, we account for the effort and solidify it in our memory. I often refer to this as “taking receipts”. By writing a receipt for a victory, you can later add them up and cash them in.

Not sure where to start? Use the 8 Dimensions of Wellness to deduce each victory:

This is particularly important because the creative journey is cumulative. Struggling with your script? Maybe facing the script head-on isn’t where the victory lies. Do you need to settle your finances so you’re not distracted? Do you need some friend time to unwind and return with a fresh perspective? Do you need to go on a walk to get some blood pumping through your brain? You can do these things and claim the victory for doing them with acknowledgement that it was part of the process to overcome the struggle with your script.

In this way, you may even discover a “victory behind the victory”, much like how we creatives receive “notes behind the notes”. Doing well in a contest? Give yourself credit for entering in the first place! Received a double recommendation after receiving notes? Give yourself credit for completing the revision and processing the feedback! Recognizing the “victory behind the victory” reminds us to celebrate the process, not just the results.

Now, Let’s Celebrate!

“The Victory Round'' was modeled after a traditional “Happy Hour”. Set a time once a week to grab a drink with a friend, but instead of complaining about everything that’s wrong, a “Victory Round” allows us to reflect on what action you took that made you FEEL good. Proud. Accomplished. This is less about “what you want to do” and more about “who you want to be”.

If you act in accordance with your own values, then celebrating your victories will feel like affirming that you ARE who you want to be.

Here are a few key steps to celebrating your victories:

• Step away from other distractions. This helps to enforce that the occasion is important and you can feel the celebratory vibes!
• Choose your victory wisely. Celebrating toxic behaviors can reinforce the false narrative of “sacrificing mental health for our art/work/family”
• Say it out loud. Saying what we do well OUT LOUD makes it feel real.
• Listen to how you shape your narrative. Words Carry Energy, so PAY ATTENTION to the words you use to celebrate. Are you still putting yourself down? Are you taking credit for something you DON’T want to build on? Are you mentioning it, but still writing it off as inconsequential? What words could you use to recall the “victory” with pride and joy?
• Share it with someone receptive so they can echo your sentiments. Hearing your victory from someone else’s perspective helps to solidify the memory.
• Echo someone else’s victory. Helping someone else understand their victory lifts them up and strengthens your ability to articulate it.
• Make it celebratory. Something as simple as raising a glass and saying “cheers” really does complete the event!
• Make it a regular event. By scheduling it once a week, it defeats the voice of judgment who would rather wait until it’s important. Find the importance in the progress.

YOUR HOMEWORK: Find a Victory Buddy!

You are always welcome to join myself (@K.ossWrites) and Kawan (@kawanglover) on Instagram Live, Fridays at 1pm PST (and on clubhouse at 2pm PST) to celebrate your victories. You can also start small, like I did, and I just reach out to one person. 10-15 minutes is all it takes, and you’d be surprised how impactful this event can be - each time, over time.

Before you go, I’d like to take a moment to celebrate at least one victory. Here’s to you for reading this post and taking a moment to reflect on your values and your victories. Cheers to you!

Let's hear your thoughts in the comments below!

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